In my defense, I obviously misspoke the other night when I came home to find Mama Su munching on seaweed and staring at an Amazon link like she finally Bumbled upon the perfect guy. When she asked which credit card she should use for an intended purchase, I meant to say “The AAdvantage card has room. Go for it.” Instead, what came out was, “Quit ordering sh&t on Amazon. Seriously.” As you might expect, this verbal misstep resulted in an icy stare and more than a little tension around the house. That is, until HE arrived.
After 48 hours of awkward silence, a large carton appeared amid the pile of boxes that delivery drivers toss on our doorstep daily. Dragging the big one inside, I opened it, and pulled out what the packaging claimed was a Tineco Floor ONE S3 Cordless Hardwood Floors Cleaner, Lightweight Wet/Dry Vacuum Cleaner for Multi-Surface Cleaning with Smart Control System with Edge Cleaning, Cordless Convenience, 2-in-1 Efficiency and One Touch Self-Cleaning. Exhausted, I left the S3 box intact and tossed the shipping box and packing paper in the hall for the first floor furry shredding machines to reduce to recyclable bits.
A few hours later, I came into the kitchen to find the parts of the S3 lined up on the counter and Su deciphering the quick set-up guide. She ignored my self-serving offer to help in silence and proceeded to test the various parts on each other until she managed to assemble a working unit. The S3 in one piece, she pressed the ON switch and with one surge from the lithium battery, life at House Kirkland became glorious again.
The manual suggests charging the S3 for four hours prior to first use, but with an opportunity to prove her purchase right and me wrong, Mama Su put the S3 to work right out of the box. Within moments, she was beaming like she’d found a fixed and friendly Siamese and spent the next few hours running the S3 for 6-8 minutes, then squatting by the charger until she couldn’t stand it anymore (“Come on…Come on!) and setting off again, trying all the features and commenting to anyone but me, “Oh my god, it’s perfect!” “It self-cleans.” “I’m in love…”
A lesser man might be threatened by Su's new battery operated boyfriend (her words, not mine), but the endless stream of broken critters we see each week kept me busy while Su enjoyed her self-satisfaction…
There was Minnie, an emaciated tuxedo kitten who stumbled into a backyard in Lindsay with a wrecked eye and big appetite. The finder fashioned a nifty cone to protect the bad eye, deemed her “super friendly” and offered to make the 60-mile run to Fresno if we could help. Bring her up.
And Emily, a calico mom with a new litter of two little ones with what looked to be a prolapsed butt and a lack of interest in her babies. The photo and backstory haunted me all day, and when the finder hadn’t found care by late afternoon, I told her to meet me at the vet in the morning. Turns out Emily had a prolapsed vaginal tract from trying to birth a kitten still stuck inside her. Emily’s since been relieved of the stillborn and returned to her babies who are thrilled to have Mom back in business.
And Chester, a big tabby tom, brought to us with pellets in his body and a shattered rear leg. After a look at the X-rays, we greenlit the repairs (the leg had been broken for weeks), remove the pellets and get him fixed and vaccinated. Chester’s FIV+ but for a guy that had been used for target practice and spent a month hobbling on a busted femur, he’s in a way better spot…and has more women fawning over him than the lowlife that shot him ever will.
And Sparrow (eye), Mayflower (pneumonia) and the dozens of others our team of dedicated staffers and fosters treat daily…
In truth, our vet bills exceed Su’s Amazon purchases by a hundred-fold, and as I’m writing this, I’ve been forced to admit the three words every woman loves to hear…“You were right.” Whatever. The kitchen floor doesn’t feel like beach parking lot, a bunch of critters are way better off than they were a week ago and Mama’s happy. The new guy can stay. As always, we appreciate any help you can offer to help us continue to do what you would if you could. Minnie, Emily, Chester and BOB.
